Our eyes are wide open and we simply can’t catch a proper sleep.
It’s been a little over a week since the ceiling above our head changed and the noises on the street began to differ from the ones we knew. It’s been about ten days since we drove off from a place of history and grounds, detaching from what we so recently thought would always be roots. The nights became twice as long and the heart began to ache in a different way. Truth had come to reality.
We’ve always dreamed of living in a big city. The feeling of belonging that lies within the ethnic difference surrounding us had always showed itself with a certain glamour. We’ve craved for this sight and noises that are now outside our windows. Though we, at some point, believed we didn’t t want it anymore, we secretly longed for this moment of change. We only didn’t think it would come with such a price and spike.
Today, it’s been a week since we hugged goodbye. It felt like forever, and it feels like it is. The thought of leaving such time at a different book and following the road back to ourself was bittersweet. The true flavours now are beyond description. There is so much still feeling as left unsaid and the idea of so much that could’ve been done. But we know it isn’t the case. We know this was the right move.
We never liked to say goodbye. There’re been so many already that I guess we all got somewhat sadly confused when the last one came. We get it, for sure, but it’s hard to move on from what is imprinted inside us. We know the right path and it is lit up bright, but little one still looks at me with those melancholic eyes, wondering out and about.
She tells me of hurt and missing, I tell her of future and possibilities.
She speaks of dreams and true matches, I tell her about consciousness and evolution.
She tells me about love and the unexplainable, I then lose the argument, because I feel it too.
And so, here we lie awake and sleepless. We gather our thoughts and wander, hand in hand, through the field of all possibilities. We hurt, we cry, we laugh. We miss the smiles and the embrace. At closed eyes, we can smell it as vividly as the night lights outside. Memories made with love and tenderness; stories of love, family and belonging.
Now left at a closed book, those connections once so apparent ascended to a different field. Nothing can go as deep as it did, but the real world doesn’t need to know. It will always be there.
And even if voices don’t vibrate on the other side anymore, and if the sights are avoided, excluded and left to hide, we hereby grab our new life guide. There’s grieve, but there is also a bright future ahead.
Trusting, believing.
That loving life is all that matters.
Always remembering.
To live love that way, and praying silently, so it won’t ever again shatter.
