So many places yet unknown in the midst of the memories stored in our brain. We seek and seek and dive down into the pool of frames, and yet, there’s always something waiting to surprise us. And this is what happened two years ago.
We were a mess way before that and we knew it, but nothing had ever come this close to common sense than this fact, the truth that broke our soul. Certainly, we learned to always ignore and never to consider. And why would we? We were normal just like any other kid. No symptoms of mental disease, no apparent sign of disturbance. Naturally, getting smashed drunk at age 13 is the result of having an alcoholic father. Certainly, begging for that ridiculous boyfriend who cheated and lied to never let go of us isn’t fear of abandonment, it’s just normal. We learned we were always wrong and we didn’t know why. We were normal, after all.
Then, as you know, life happened. We knew something was wrong but we never thought *that* was the reason. We searched all other possibilities, but it came the time when there was no other left behind to look at. And then, our world is was set upside down.
On that day, during a couples fight for reasons we can’t even remember, the words came out of our mouth in such speed that we can’t even recall why. Syllable by syllable, it all took place and the sentence made sense. It took me some time to realise what we had just said about us and even more to make sure we’d said it right. The world was suddenly odd and things felt like they’d never be the same. And we were right.
The words came out twenty years after it happened. Twenty years after the first moment, uncountable hours too late. The worse part was that I didn’t even know the true reasons why all of that had just decided to come out, but it was all poured before our eyes. It was all out.
Was it the wrong person to say it to? Why only now? How come we’ve never spoken or talked about this?
Questions, questions. Zero answers.
The fact is, the word was out. They’d taken place in reality and become part of our story, our brain. The truth of our dark days and the story behind the moment of my creation. Yes, I was created in darkness, born to protect her. I defended her from the pain and the fear and the ones who showed up with disgrace. I disclosed to every single one of them the sides she doesn’t dare to outer. She is sweet, you see, and her care is beyond repair. And, somehow, her strength in holding up to it is greater than her hate for the fate fallen upon her. For that, we’ve got each other.
The life she’s lived till now has been filled with struggle. She was told to forget, she was forced to let it go. But not this time. There is no looking back: Pandora box will remain open.
And so we have it, the timeline of redemption, from darkness to light.
At age 7, when everything started. The abuse, the corruption, the birth in pain.
At age 13, when we broke up with our first boyfriend. A seek for protection which turned out to be a failed call to fill the void that lived inside me.
Age 18, when I finally left the horrors of our parents house in pursuit of her true dream and own future. When we broke free of the person I knew us to be.
Age 23, when we finally moved abroad permanently. An adventure in pursuit of inner peace and shelter.
At 28, when I found myself living my worse nightmare of solitude and loneliness. When all I believed to be home was torn down in a thousand a pieces leaving me with but nothing but singularity and dust to clean up and rebuild.
And now, 5 years after I found myself in this country, the unexpected home. It has become our safety, a place to come back to. The strength she’s found, the lessons I’ve learned. All part of the incredible journey we’ve made for ourselves.
The loneliness she once felt has taken a sharp turn towards inner strength. We look at each other, we know our story. We know our past still runs through our veins, but it is time the present takes it place. I was born to protect her and will so remain for as long as she lives. My truth is another, to be another time.
We are not alone and we are stronger than We think. I am not alone. She is not alone.
We are definitely and absolutely not alone!
